It's tradition!

Why do you do the things you do in your family?  

What traditions make up your family culture?

Is it time to consider a change? 

Could a change make your family stronger?

      

                  When I think of family traditions, I think of good happy times when we gather together for holidays, birthdays, vacations, special events.  Those all sound like great family times- unless they have lost their place in a family and need to be readjusted to meet family growth and stability. Hopefully they are meeting the intended purpose of building a strong family with positive outcomes for marriages and developing children into healthy adults. Evaluate. 

      

                  Other cultural traditions are very destructive.  We discussed an extreme example in our family relations class.  When the British took over India, they said they were doing away with the Indian customs of “burning the bride.”  Which was, as they burned the husband’s dead body, they would throw his living wife in on top of the fire and burn them together.  The new British rulers said you can’t do that anymore.  “Well it’s part of our culture, we’ve always done it.”  The new rulers said, “well it is our culture to execute people who burn brides.”  The tradition stopped.  

      

                  This historical situation helps us see how the culture of one ethnicity may have influence on another.  Here we are not discussing one nation overthrowing another nation- different topic- but in this incidence, the Indian culture was holding on to a tradition that was horrific. 

Most traditions in families such as: how to cook a recipe, what holidays to gather for are less drastic and create happiness and unity.                        

            But what about pecking order?  Who is in charge traditionally in the generations of your family?  Are there “family traditions” of boundaries that interfere with a new Husband and Wife forming their own family unit?  Does one oldest brother in law, father in law, or mother in law have more say in what should happen in your home than the husband and wife have together?  Dangerous tradition. Do you have appropriate boundaries and family systems that help maintain growth and unity and security for a husband and wife and their children? 

            There are some trending traditions and opinions about family that have grave effects on families, individuals as adults and children and society as a whole. The prevalent tradition in many societies is becoming to abandon family when it no longer suits your needs- divorce.  This attitude is called consumerism.  Trading one spouse in for another is glamorized in the media like trading in for a new better model of car.  A more responsible behavior would be a tradition of commitment, learning and growing together.  Look for ways to make your family unit stronger by growing your marriage. 

            Are you holding fast to traditions that are helping best practices for positive outcomes for the people in your family- adults (parents) and especially children as they grow to adults? Are you holding on to “traditions” in your marriage relationship that are growing your marriage or breaking your marriage? What about your parenting style? Are you just doing what you know or what is the trend in society, or are you carefully thinking about the best parenting for each child as an individual? 

            We live in a day when there are many selfish behaviors in families are based on self-fulfillment, power, consumer mindset. What is best in this for me?  A family is a shared responsibility of providing for and caring for all the members emotional, mental, physical and spiritual well -being.  When we have the wisdom of commitment and caring for our family first, we live selflessly as a family unit that blesses each other, our neighborhoods, workplaces, schools, and the broader community around us.  This is more prevalent in some ethnicities and cultures than others.  Give yourself a family checkup to see how you can improve the positive culture and beneficial traditions in your home. 

Family Tradition Check Up

Ask yourself these questions:

⇴ Traditions are "inherited patterns of belief or behavior". Which traditions encourage the best in families and individuals, and which might best be discarded?

·       ⇴ Are all cultures equally valid; do they all meet the same purposes with the same effectiveness?

·    ⇴ How can one carefully choose the aspects of one's culture to keep, and how do we perpetuate those into coming generations?

·        ⇴ What two aspects of your own culture you'd like to perpetuate, and two you would like to set aside or improve? How can you do that?

In America many family values have become very destructive.  Take a stand for your own family first and determine what you are committed to that perpetuates strong family, strong individuals within the family and consider the effect your strong family will have on your neighbors, community, each other and the world. 

In a family, the sum of the parts is 

greater than the whole.

In my own family the two traditions we are going to perpetuate are my husband and I are going to continue to work together on projects in our home and in our yard. Working together is fun for us!

As grandparents, we will continue to gather our children and grandchildren together to play when we can.  We realized long ago that “when we can” is an important phrase in that tradition.  A set time and place doesn’t always work for each household, so being flexible is part of our tradition.  The important thing is, WE LOVE TO GET TOGETHER! 

Weekly Challenge: 

Examine your traditions, cut the rope on any that are damaging.

Examine your traditions, hold on fast to the ones that are helping you grow together. 

Examine your traditions, create a new way to accomplish family unity that works for this season of your life. 

My TOP FIVE most important traditions a family can have: 

daily family prayer, 

religious worship, 

family time at home together, 

share work responsibilities, 

a family hobby that you love to do together.