FATHERLESS EPIDEMIC: 20 Million Infected!
“Yay DAD!” You Really Matter!
We love to quote movies at our house. My grown children still quote this line from Disney’s cartoon of Robin Hood to their dad, “Yay Dad!” The blog this week is focused on how essential DADS are to a family. At the end of this post I have listed several sites you can visit to educate yourself to make an active healthy difference in your own family and parenting abilities. IA family is a living growing group. It’s always changing, constantly going through transitions of life. Be the change, the growth you want to see. This is for DADS AND MOMS!
(Note: If the links don't take you directly to the site, copy and paste the link address to your search bar.)
National Center for Fathering
FATHERLESS EPIDEMIC: 20 Million Infected!
This is a powerful link to go to. Know the symptoms of fatherlessness. While everyone cannot change their current situation, this could change how you become an advocate for marriage and families within your scope of influence.
BONDING
I’m so grateful I am married to a husband that LOVES to be a dad. How does that happen? How do men end up loving to be dads, fathers, and providers? We studied the differences between men and women and BONDING in my family relations class this week. This is my simple explanation. It comes down to hormones. Yes, the H word. Women have the hormone oxytocin, which is called the bonding hormone. Every time this hormone is released, a woman feels a powerful physical bonding, similar to the power of the sex drive men feel due to the hormone testosterone. One incidence when oxytocin is released in great amounts, is when a new baby travels through the birth canal and is delivered. Immediately women feel physically bonded to their children just by the birth process because of the release of oxytocin. You have probably heard or felt of this instant bonding process, it's powerful emotionally and physically. Testosterone in men gives them a powerful drive for pro-creation and to be a protector. Because men don’t have oxytocin, they have no automatic physical bonding. Therefor they have to create bonding experiences by choice. They have to CHOOSE where to direct their bonding and protective instincts. they may have just as powerful bonding experiences with their children ongoing throughout their children's lives, but they have to choose to do so. AND they have to want to learn how to do so. They have to want to get to know the heart and soul of their child.
MANPOWER = HUSBAND AND FATHER
The POWER of a father’s decision to CHOOSE to bond to his children and their children's mother, is one of the single most determining factors in every aspect of a child’s life from the time they are young clear through adulthood. It also influences the success of their own life and their spouse. The Institute for Family Studies presents an article called, “Sons of Divorce, School Shooters.” In this article, Wilcox reports, “one common and largely unremarked thread tying together most of the school shooters that have struck the nation in the last year is that they came from homes marked by divorce or an absent father.” He continues, “social scientific evidence about the connection between violence and broken homes could not be clearer. My own research suggests that boys living in single mother homes are almost twice as likely to end up delinquent compared to boys who enjoy good relationships with their father.”
FAMILY WORK
To some it may seem that some families just automatically get along, communicate well, have happy times together. But what does family WORK look like to get to that point? Cooperation, quarrels, singing, productivity, hurt, perseverance, laughter, learning, mistakes, forgiveness, playing and working inside and outside together are all part of FAMILY WORK. Families learning together is the work of life! Yes, some people innately have certain skills that are advantageous in one area or another of family life and for parenting. You have some of those too! But EVERY successful, well structured, resilient FAMILY TAKES WORK AND COMMITMENT, in good times and bad. The greatest news is anyone can choose to gain more education and skills about being a more productive helpful family member, as a father, mother, husband, wife, or sibling or child. You can learn and new education for better behaviors and skills at any point in your life.
“The daily work of families, the ordinary hands-on labor of sustaining life has power to bind us together (Bahr & Loveless).”
Resilient families:
encourage each other,
are patient with each other,
learn together,
allow mistakes,
recognize that no family is perfect,
work and play together,
grow together!
àFunctional families aren’t perfect, and they can recognize it! You are probably doing better than you think!!!
àThere are so many helpful resources for learning to be resilient in family life. Here are links to some of my favorites.
FAMILY WORK, by Bahr & Loveless
àDo you want to improve your parenting skills and be a better parent? Spouse? Your children, your spouse and yourself will all benefit from it! Your effort matters!
ACTIVE PARENTING PUBLISHERS
The Distinct, Positive Impact of a Good Dad How fathers contribute to their kids' lives
https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/06/the-distinct-positive-impact-of-a-good-dad/276874/
The collapse of parenting: Why it’s time for parents to grow up
àWhat do you know about Vitamin N?
Is Your Child Getting Enough Vitamin N?
àThe Functional Family, by James D MacArthur, Ph.D.
Institute for Family Studies
Sons of Divorce, School Shooters
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