Parenting Like You Mean It, Parenting Like You Love It
Parenting has always been my fascination, my soap box, something I love to learn about and teach about. So here today, I can only reflect on a few thoughts. I have heard it said by many parents in frustration many times, “Oh I wish these kids came with and instruction manual!” Well there is good news! They do! Read the scriptures daily and seek to follow them and you will have the best guide for parenting. For very principle or commandment of the gospel you read in the scriptures, ask yourself, “How does this (gospel principle) apply to my marriage? How does this (gospel principle) apply to my parenting relationship with this particular child (child’s name, no matter their age.)? The gospel topic you insert may be prayer, forgiveness, faith, honesty, to name a few. Each one is relevant just as each family relationship is relevant.
CONTINUING EDUCATION
Have you noticed the effects of good verses poor parenting in the world? Learning to parent well is the education of a lifetime. I look in every book of scripture and notice how many stories are about parents with babies and young children and how many stories are about parents with grown children and grandchildren. The scriptures, as the word of God, teach that parenting is a lifelong endeavor. Notice how Jesus Christ addresses God as He teaches how to pray in Matthew 6:9, “ aAfter this manner therefore bpray ye: Our cFather which art in heaven, dHallowed be thy ename.” He addresses God as Our Father. That is powerful to realize that God continues to be our Father, parenting is heavenly and eternal. So it’s too important to just give it a good try and see what happens. Just as person attends continuing education classes for their employment, we should seek continuing education as husbands, wives and parents. We need to think intentionally about how we parent and how we need to improve and change. Parenting changes in family life as our family transitions into different stages.
QUESTIONS TO PONDER
Today ask yourself these questions. Write down your answers. What is the purpose of parenting? Who is affected by parenting? What are the best ways to approach challenges and opportunities that come with parenting? What is my parenting style? People find that as they intentionally think about their purpose in a family role, they come to view it more responsibly with better understanding and have a direction for being more effective. Easier said than done, but one little change that comes from a new realization may make a huge difference.
APPLICATION
Example: A mother was going crazy because of the whining of her toddler. She was ready to pull her hair out. She stopped to think about when and why the child was whining. She realized this little person needed some attention, and he was getting it! With whining! She determined to spend twenty minutes a day of uninterrupted time one on one with her little boy. She read stories, or made a snack, or played with toys, or went for a walk outside for those few minutes every day completely focused on her son. She found that after three days, he quit whining. After their time together, he would play alone or beside her as she worked in the house getting her chores done.
That same principle can apply to a young child or teenager, or a troubled young adult who needs an experienced listening ear. Children need two things: parents who care about each other and parents who are interested in them individually. “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these (Mark 12:31).” [See also: Matthew 22:39; James 2:8; Romans 13:9, Matthew 19:19.] Your closest neighbors, the ones you have most responsibility for, the people you have invited to share life with you, reside in your home with you. If you apply the previous statement, the commandment would read like this, “thou shalt love (thy spouse) as thyself.” Or, “thou shalt love (thy child) as thyself.”
SOME POSSIBLE ANSWER TO THE ABOVE QUESTIONS
What is the purpose of parenting?
To teach life skills
To teach spiritual worth
To teach appropriate behavior for righteous choices
To teach appropriate behavior for social situations
To teach how to work to care for self and others
To teach how to deal with all emotions
To teach how to face challenges
Ultimately to teach how to be an independent adult
Who is affected by parenting?
Yourself
The child
Your spouse
Siblings of that child
Extended family
Past generations
Future generations
Neighborhood
Community
Friends
The world
What are the best ways to approach challenges and opportunities that come with parenting?
1) Have structured expectations.
2) Have reasonable consequences.
3) Have family rules. Discuss expectations and consequences with respect.
4) Parents be in charge.
5) Be open to listening. Respond with responsible tone of voice and consideration. Don’t change rules without reason based on sound adult judgement.
6) Model examples you want children to follow.
7) Work together.
8) Play together.
9) Worship together.
What is my parenting style? Does it matter? Which style is most effective? Can I learn new parenting skills?
There are three parenting styles:
__ ACTIVE
__ PERMISSIVE
__ AUTOCRATIC
Go to this link and take a quiz to see which parenting style you use. This is an informative web site to learn which parenting style is most effective and why. It has helpful tutorials to guide us to become better parents!
YES! PARENTING MATTERS. If you are reading this you are probably doing a great job, because you care. And remember that is the number one need of children, a caring parent. And you’re not done yet. Keep trying, keep learning, keep growing together. That is the adventure of family life!
"To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain they know it as well. They are so precious. Let them know. Call upon Heavenly Father for help as you care for their needs each day as you deal with challenges which inevitably come with parenthood. You need more than your own wisdom in rearing them."
-President Thomas S. Monson
The Family: A Proclamation to the World
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