WHAT MESSAGE ARE YOU SENDING?
COMMUNICATION
Communication is such a basic part of life; it seems like it should be easy. So why is communication so difficult, especially in marriage and family relationships? Well, because in those in those relationships it matters so much, so much is at stake. In families we are at our most vulnerability. That’s why families are the place we can grow the most. It takes personal, intentional effort to improve in every area of personal and family life, including communication. It is not automatic. So, the terrific news……it can be learned, practiced, changed, and improved! Visiting with those to whom we have no commitment, communication is not so vital. So sometimes it is easier to visit with strangers than in your own home. Here are some tid-bits to help you think about and improve your personal communication with your families.
3 MEDIUMS OF COMMUNICATION
Which mode of communication is most believable?
Words, Tone, or Non-verbal Cues
Here is a test for yourself. Practice saying, “Oh that’s a beautiful dress.”
Say it with genuine friendly voice and a smile on your face. What does it mean?
Say it with your arms folded and your eyebrows furrowed. What does it mean?
Say it with sarcasm and roll your eyes. What does it mean?
What message are you giving to the people you care about by the message you are delivering with your tone and body language? They speak louder than the words you are uttering. So, practice speaking kind words, with kind tone and positive non-verbal cues.
INTENTIONAL PRACTICE OR IGNORING CAN BRING
POSITIVE CHANGE OR NEGATIVE CHANGE,
WHICH DO YOU WANT?
From birth to young adulthood we learn to use communication skills. We can grow to be pretty good communicators. And then at some point people get married. That is the first time we need to communicate in real, new ways. We already have been practicing our whole lives and have become pretty good at it, so why can it be so difficult to adjust? Two people come together from different experiences, backgrounds and families. Marriage requires selfless giving to care for someone who not only is from a different background, but also someone who is wired completely opposite of you by gender! So, if you feel like you’re not getting it right, you’re not alone. Becoming more than we already are is part of the plan and family is the opportunity for becoming. Be patient with yourself and your closest neighbors, your spouse and children.
Why would God institute a plan of marriage and union of opposites? It is actually part of the genius of God’s plan. Because it’s hard we have to try, learn, grow, be patient, giving, selfless. It develops us into more than we could be if it were easy. So, if you choose to embrace God’s plan, you choose to embrace learning to communicate with a person who is different than you. It takes practice to become better, and better, and better over time.
THE PROBLEM OF COMMUNICATION
Misunderstanding
Thought/Feeling à Encode à Media à Decode à Thought/Feeling
(decide how (choosing (decide how (how was it received)
/\ to deliver) method of to receive). |
| delivery) |
| ß Decode ß Media ß Encode ß \/
(receive) (deliver)
Do you choose to take offense as you DECODE what others say when they didn't mean to give offense? MISUNDERSTANDING. Do you say things differently than the meaning you intended? MISUNDERSTANDING. We all suffer from misunderstanding because none of us our perfect. Stop and think about being more UNDERSTANDING of each other.
There are no clear rules for communication. It's not automatic like breathing and your heart pumping. it takes learning, work and practice. Why would God send us with poor communication skills for communicating with Him and with spouses and families?
1- So, we will have to yearn to seek Him.
2- So, we will have to learn to rely on the Spirit to help and teach us.
3- So, we have to rely on each other for strengths and be forgiving with weaknesses as we learn together.
4- So, we have to be intentional.
5- So, that we can grow together in marriage.
The best way for communication as a couple or in a family is counseling together.
1- Each share ideas
2- Consider each other’s needs and point of view.
3- Pray to ask for God’s input.
4- Ponder and reconsider the direction from God and the new knowledge from each other and God.
5- Revisit your conversation, visit again with spouse. Come to a decision together.
6- Ask God to confirm your decision.
--> If He confirms it through the Spirit, follow through.
--> If it is not confirmed by the Spirit, revisit your decision with the same process until you come to a consensus with your spouse and God.
We can see how God’s divine plan of marriage and families can enable growth
into what He hopes for us to become individually and as couples and as families.
There are many communication styles taught by many different experts from different fields. My favorite expert, Jesus Christ, teaches this way,
“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
Here are some highly recommended books for learning communication skills:
The Holy Bible and the Book of Mormon
Every family can find answers to every problem in the scriptures.
Another recommended source for communication skills is the book:
“Feeling Good Together” By David D. Burns M.D.
Listen to #65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 14 and 15
5 SECRETS FOR COMMUNICATION
Dr. Burns instruction includes 5 secrets for training us to be become better communicators. The first secret is the most important. It is this.
SECRET # 1
You have three choices: 1- Do you want to become closer in your relationships?
2- Do you want to stay distant?
3- Do you want to become more distant?
Intentionally make a choice that will bring you the most enjoyable journey! Decide today to become a better communicator of kindness and love and patience to your family.
Try it for 6 days, 6 weeks, 6 months. And see how your effort can make a difference in your home.
“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
Comments
Post a Comment