THE DATING GAME
Only it’s not a game!
Everyone wants to have a happy marriage and a happy family- that’s the goal.
Dating Intentionally- that’s the process.
Continue dating your spouse after marriage- that’s the one of the commitments to success and a secret to a successful marriage.
Dating can be confusing unless you are INTENTIONAL about what you are doing. (Then it can still be a little confusing, but a lot less if you know successful dating practices.)
Let’s take a look at dating
Here is an example: Compare dating to taking a new college science class that’s unfamiliar to you. A responsible student would be intentional about how they approach a new class that is vital to their success in college and for their career.
UNINTENTIONAL PLAN FOR SCHOOL: If you show up to class every now and then, just drop in whenever it works into your schedule, without any planning it’s not going to be a very successful experience. You’ll get nothing out of it. Be left in the dust. And you’ll feel very discouraged and frustrated.
Opposite scenario
INTENTIONAL PLAN FOR SCHOOL: Make a plan that has proved success! Buy a new notebook and pen, study the textbook, go to class every day, take notes from the professor. It doesn’t stop there! You have to go home, reconsider what you have experienced both in reading and from listening, complete the assignments, study it and go back for more. Again and again until you become proficient.
DATING INTENTIONALLY
Why would people put so much effort into learning about science, or another subject or skill, and not put the same or even more effort into learning about relationships? It takes learning and practice.
What is a date? 3 P’s
1- PLANNED
Guys or girls, it sounds like this-
This is the time I will pick you up_____.
We will go ______.
We will eat ______.
I will have you home by _____.
In person live or on a voice phone call, not texting.
This shows that you care about other people in general but particularly the person you are asking.
This develops life skills that will help you do better in your job, school, and family.
2- PAIRED OFF
This means you are responsible for yourself and the other person having a good time.
It gives you opportunity to get to know a new person.
You learn from meeting many different types of people and personalities. Use dating to help you learn about all different kinds of people and have an appreciation for them.
Appreciating different kinds of people will be the basis of having a meaningful life.
Dating many different types of people, helps you to refine who you are and refine the characteristics that are important for you to look for in a spouse. (The final date.)
You may find out some things that are important to you that you didn’t know before! Cool!
3- PAID FOR
Whoever asked out, man or woman, pays for the date.
Dating doesn’t have to be expensive. Use your resources!
You want to do things you enjoy, to give you opportunity to see the other side of people and show them the other side of you. You are looking for someone who knows how to work together and cooperate.
INEXPENSIVE DATE RESOURCES
As for resources here are some ideas of date supplies you could keep in your trunk:
a tablecloth and a picnic basket, a basketball, baseball and gloves, soccer ball, frisbee, a lighter for a fire and roasting sticks, Spike ball, Ladder ball, Bucket ball, Bocce, Horseshoes, Croquet.
The tendency for young people to hang out without taking responsibility for a plan doesn’t count as a date. Texting doesn’t count as a date. True intentional dating develops character and life skills that every couple eventually need in a committed, successful marriage.
Typically, men are preparing to PROVIDE, PROTECT, and PRESIDE. Look at how the P-P-P model for dating listed above helps develop those abilities. How many lines can you draw to connect the first list to the second list?
PROVIDE PLAN
PRESIDE PAIRED OFF
PROTECT PAID FOR
Women tend to be better at NURTURING. A planned date gives girls an opportunity to show appreciation, give feedback and communicate, build confidence in themselves and their date.
Planned dates give you an opportunity to practice cooperating!
THE PURPOSE OF A DATE: 3 T's
In his book, “How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk,” Van Epp guides people how to avoid being a jerk in relationships and how to avoid attaching yourself to someone else who has so many red flags they are obviously a jerk. People get blinders on when they are dating and can make some pretty poor decisions for a variety of reasons. It doesn’t matter what the reason is if you are blinded and making a poor decision.
His equation for successful dating is:
TOGETHER *You have to be together for shared experience.
*You have to be together to TALK.
TALK *Mutual self-disclosure about yourselves, beliefs,
values, ideas, plans, worries, shortcomings is valuable.
*Talking about such a wide range of important matters takes TIME.
TIME *The minimum time to BEGIN knowing someone is 3 months.
Some have suggested dating your potential mate choice
through every season of the year before you commit to marriage.
Add the 3 T's together and you get to KNOW other people. It's not random,
it's a plan to know if you have enough similarities that you can trust a commitment
to each other for a life time.
So get yourself in to the Dating Game- Intentionally and take all the “gaming” out of it. Put the INTENTIONALITY into it and you can really have a great experience dating!
Challenge:
1) If you're single look in to upping your dating game knowledge.
Here is a great article for guys and girls to check out:
"Casual Dating is Alive and Well" https://latterdaysaintmag.com/article-1-12419/
Create a plan for getting 5 dates.
2) If you're married keep dating your spouse intentionally!
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